Co-Dependency Support

Co-dependency is an excessive emotional or psychological dependency on a partner with an illness or addiction, often leading to enabling behaviour. Sufferers often exhibit strong behaviours that cause the person they want to help to become less self-sufficient, and enablers often allow the co-dependent person to continue their harmful behaviour by making excuses or overlooking negative actions.

Co-dependents can become dangerous even to those they claim to help, creating artificial situations and problems to feed their own addiction.

The causes of co-dependency can vary according to each person and case, but common factors include:

• Emotional or psychological dependence: A desire to feel needed or valued by another person can drive co-dependent behaviours.
• Trauma or childhood experiences: Many co-dependents develop these patterns early in life, often in response to unstable or dysfunctional family environments.
• Addiction or mental health issues: Co-dependency often occurs in relationships where one person is battling addiction or mental health problems, leading the co-dependent individual to assume a caretaking or controlling role.

Recognising the signs of co-dependency is the first step toward seeking support. Some common symptoms include:

• Shame and Low self-esteem: Low self-esteem is often disguised as self-worth, often accompanied by feelings of shame or being unloved
• People-pleasing: Co-dependents often struggle with saying "no" due to anxiety and sacrificing their own needs to accommodate others, despite wanting to please those they care about.
• Poor boundaries: Difficulty distinguishing boundaries and one's own needs and those of others, leading to taking on others' problems.
• Reactivity: Individuals may absorb others' opinions without a clear boundary, causing defensiveness. A firm boundary allows for open communication and understanding.
• Caretaking: Another effect of poor boundaries, is lead to co-dependents prioritising others over themselves, leading to feelings of guilt and self-worth issues.
• Control issues: Co-dependents often have addictions like alcoholism, which help them feel safe and secure, but control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings.
• Dysfunctional communication: Co-dependents struggle with communication due to fear of being dishonest or manipulating others, leading to dysfunctional communication and difficulty in understanding their thoughts, feelings, and needs.
• Obsessions: Co-dependents often engage in obsessions, focusing on others and relationships, leading to anxieties and fears of rejection due to shame.
• Denial: Refusing to acknowledge the harmful dynamics of the relationship or the impact on oneself. They may continue complaining or trying to fix others, or focus on others' feelings and needs, neglecting their own.
• Intimacy Problems: Sexual dysfunction can stem from intimacy issues, with co-dependents struggling with openness and intimacy due to shame, weak boundaries, fear of judgment, rejection, or loss of autonomy.

Co-dependency can result in negative consequences for both sides involved, including emotional exhaustion, relationship problems due to tension, lack of healthy boundaries, and loss of identity. The co-dependent individual may feel drained, anxious, or depressed, while the relationship may be marked by emotional distance or conflict. The loss of identity can lead to a loss of self-identity.

There are a variety of approaches that can help individuals to be free from this cycle and regain control of their lives. Some effective treatment options include:

• Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT): The CBT method aids individuals in recognising unhealthy thought patterns and behaviours, and fostering healthier interpersonal relationships.
• Support groups: Co-dependency support groups, such as Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA), can provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences and gain support from others facing similar issues.
• Individual counselling: Individuals can benefit from one-on-one therapy sessions to understand the underlying causes of their co-dependent behaviours and develop new coping strategies.
• Family therapy: Family therapy can effectively address dysfunctional patterns in families with co-dependency, promoting healthier relationships and addressing dysfunctional patterns within the family.